You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
