I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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