Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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