Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
