Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
