Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
