Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
