I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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