then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
