Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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