I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
