He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
