Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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