I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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