i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
