I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
