and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
