can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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