with your own penis?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
