i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
