Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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