highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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