gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
