Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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