Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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