My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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