bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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