i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
