Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
