gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
