2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
