you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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