We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
