I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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