Whod you bang
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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