btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
