If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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