I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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