What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
