You're my little dorito
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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