I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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