Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
