woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
