i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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