her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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