Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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