just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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