Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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