Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
