piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
someone threw a dead crab at me
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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