playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
