He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
