a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
