Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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