You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
