What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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