is your mom at the bar?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
