I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
