Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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