haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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