guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize