Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
