just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
