mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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