I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
