before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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