Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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