If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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