I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
