Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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