I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
