And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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