Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
