So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
