I swear god or herbie drove my car home
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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