You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
