I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
