Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
