I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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