Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
