there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
