i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize