I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh god it's open bar.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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