My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
