Apparently you make a good broom.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
