I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There's always time for handjobs
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
