she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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