Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize