A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
