so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
COCAINE IS GR8
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
