Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
