Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize