I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
