I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
