My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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