i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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