a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
