just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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